Tuesday, April 21, 2009


I find it alarming that I can quite easily shoplift a ripe grapefruit by casually slipping it into my pants. No one seems to notice my grotesque misshaping and I can nonchalantly walk out of the front door of any grocery store.

What is wrong with society today, when no one notices an egregious bulge in some man’s pants?? When something like that happens I say we’ve become more animal the human, more savage then gentile. Is this a society that I want to live in? One where political correctness has gone so far that no one comments on the size of particular deformity. No I say, this is not my America! Where are the days when laughter and ridicule would be the result of such a malformation? Why, the only word I heard spoken in my direction came from the mouth of a small boy asking his mother innocently, “Good God, is that my future? Those balls are huge and I want to grow up and wear tight pants!” The mother quickly admonishing him for drawing attention to my "handicap."

No longer, I say. From now on I am speaking my mind regardless of offense. If you’re overweight I may call you “Chubbadub”, or if you’re missing a limb perhaps I will dub thee, “Ol’ One Eye” regardless of the nonexistent appendage! And of course if you’re Guatemalan well then you get the moniker, “Lazy!” just like all the other lazy Guatemalans. It’s truth telling time America and I need fifty cents to buy a cookie in the vending machine.

Sunday, April 05, 2009


He’s dumb he’s scared
He’s thinking impaired
He’s always scratching an itch
He’s clumsy and shy
A really nice guy
Your favorite son of a bitch

He’s sweet and a punk
He fits in your trunk
And needs a punch in the face
He sleeps on your bed
Sheds on your head
To every owner’s disgrace

Floyd-o, Floyd-o
Makes me so annoyed-o
Floyd-o Floyd-o
No one knows he’s gay

Nobody knows he’s gay
He hopes to keep it this way
His secret is that he’s gay
You’ll love him anyway

New, from The Pound.