Tuesday, April 21, 2009


I find it alarming that I can quite easily shoplift a ripe grapefruit by casually slipping it into my pants. No one seems to notice my grotesque misshaping and I can nonchalantly walk out of the front door of any grocery store.

What is wrong with society today, when no one notices an egregious bulge in some man’s pants?? When something like that happens I say we’ve become more animal the human, more savage then gentile. Is this a society that I want to live in? One where political correctness has gone so far that no one comments on the size of particular deformity. No I say, this is not my America! Where are the days when laughter and ridicule would be the result of such a malformation? Why, the only word I heard spoken in my direction came from the mouth of a small boy asking his mother innocently, “Good God, is that my future? Those balls are huge and I want to grow up and wear tight pants!” The mother quickly admonishing him for drawing attention to my "handicap."

No longer, I say. From now on I am speaking my mind regardless of offense. If you’re overweight I may call you “Chubbadub”, or if you’re missing a limb perhaps I will dub thee, “Ol’ One Eye” regardless of the nonexistent appendage! And of course if you’re Guatemalan well then you get the moniker, “Lazy!” just like all the other lazy Guatemalans. It’s truth telling time America and I need fifty cents to buy a cookie in the vending machine.

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