Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Apu: Well hello Mr. Homer, what brings you to my store?
Homer: Well Apu the softball team wanted me to talk to you.
Apu: Oh? What about?
Homer: Well, frankly your numbers are falling.
Apu: When I was what?
Homer: You’re gonna make me say it? Fine, when you were taking steroids alright!
Apu: I’m not doing it anymore. I swore I’d only use human growth hormones to heal from my elbow injury quicker. That was a long time ago.
Apu: That’s not fair!
Homer: There’s no reason you can’t have numbers like that again. All you have to do is take the drugs Apu, come on everyone is doing it.
Apu: What about my defense? That’s got to count for something.
Homer: Listen, Nelson is in the wings, ready to take over for you at catcher if you don’t do something drastic here.
Apu: Nelson! I threw out 38% of would be base stealers last year. When has Nelson even come close to that?
Homer: It doesn’t matter man! He’s using HGH and you know what? -he’s hitting the cover off the ball. Homerun after homerun! The guy’s a machine who cares who throws out more runners! Look it’s this simple, get your numbers up or you’re out.
Apu: Please, don’t take this away from me. Playing catcher for the Springfield Isotopes softball team is my life!
Homer: Sorry, it’s out of my hands.
Homer takes a bite from his donut and turns to leave.
Apu: Homer, that donut is $10.25.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
and Stand by R.E.M.
Could be worse.