I Mite.

Alright so you’ve got scabies. The hard part is over and that’s admitting to yourself that there’s a tiny animal embedded in your skin whose poop makes you
itch. Now you’re wondering, how do I get rid of them? Piece of cake. Your doctor can prescribe you a cream which you rub all over your body, from head to toe. Do it overnight because you have to keep it on for a good twelve hours, although I recommend twenty-four.

With the cream on, wash all your clothes in searing hot water and dry them in super-hot air. Anything you can’t wash (pillows and the likes) you should put in a plastic bad, tie it up nice and tight and leave for three days. Mites can’t survive without food for more than that.

After that, voila! -you’re not a filthy degenerate anymore. Congratulations! Oh and don’t expect the skin irritation to completely disappear, rather, give it a day or two to completely subside. And get off your high horse, all it takes a nap in the wrong bed, like let’s say, at the bottom of the Grand Canyon to contract them.